Old Posts.
God, How Can You Be Sleeping? 2.10.2008
Then Jesus got into the boat and started across the lake with his disciples. Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”
Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.
The disciples were amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked. “Even the winds and waves obey him!” [Matthew 8]
It seems that all too often I find myself in the middle of a storm. The winds create waves that seem like walls of impossibility the beautiful depths of the waters are clouded with uncertainty. And it seems that I forget that I serve the Master of the wind and the waves. I watch the waves come crashing down and I look into the cloudy waters trying to find my escape. The storm strikes ruthlessly and doesn’t cease despite my desperate cries and my fear grows within me that my boat won’t hold up against the brutality of the wind and waters. And I think to myself: God, how can you be sleeping?
As the storm continues on I panic looking for the easiest and simplist fix that doesn’t require any sacrifice or humility. I’d rather find my own way out- thanks God, but I don’t need your help just yet. Eventually I go running to Yahweh saying- I’m going to drown! I can’t swim in these waters! And He turns to me and says, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” As the waters still and the winds cease their blowing I can see clearly that God was there in the midst of the storm I was simply blinded by my surroundings. I take my eyes off of him and that allows Satan to turn a small windstorm into a hurricane. If I would trust that God is always there, even when the waters become muddy, and the walls of water reach uncontrollable heights, I would never have to ask: God, how can you be sleeping?
Leprosy. 2.10.08
“Large crowds followed Jesus as he came down the mountainside. Suddenly, a man with leprosy approached him and knelt before him. “Lord,” the man said, “if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.” Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” And instantly the leprosy disappeared.” [Matthew 8]
I read this yesterday. The day before a friend and I had talked about how we all just need to go to God and say look, I’m dirty but you can clean me. But we all try to become better on our own first. So when I read this it caught me off guard- I wasn’t expecting a story about leprosy to speak so directly to my heart. I fight so much to keep my distance from God, and I try to make myself better before I go to him for help. Hoping maybe he won’t have to help me as much and that will somehow make me a better person. When in reality all I’m doing is causing a greater seperation between myself and Yahweh.
I find it so ironic that Yahweh sits there waiting- wait, I find it ironic how he constantly comes after us- but he still waits for us to turn to him. And yet, we keep running. He won’t make me give him my heart. He won’t force me into prayer and reading scripture. He’s not like that.
“I am willing,” he said.
That’s what he is like. He is willing. The moment we turn to him he wants to reassure us that he is willing. He is willing to heal us, willing to take the pain, willing to love us. In the scripture above the phsyical illness was healed instantly but that doesn’t guarantee that Yahweh is going to heal me instantly or heal you instantly, instead it is a promise that you and I will both be healed. Before anything can take place though, we have to make a move towards Yahweh.
“Lord,” the man said, “if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.”
This is where I am right now. I have to go to Yahweh saying, “if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.” And I know that Yahweh is going to say, “I am willing.” I’ve turned to him before, but each time holding my doubts in my hand, reluctant to let them go as well. Our lives are changed by moving towards the Lord and allowing his love and healing to cause a permanant change instead of attempting to help our situation and forcing temporary changes in our lives.
Even so, the changes in my life have been small they’ve been from the heart of Yahweh and thats what matters to me right now.
“No, You did laugh.” 2.12.08
I’ve been reading through the book of Genesis. I read chapters 15-18 yesterday and this is the product of what I’ve been thinking about since then:
The story:
Abram [Abraham] was promised to be the father of many nations and even though his wife was barren and he himself was 99 years old. However, he had faith in the Lord’s promise and considered himself blessed even before the blessing was tangible. Sarai [Sarah] wasn’t so convinced. In chapter 15 we see God’s covenant with Abram- “Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!”” In chapter 16 we see that Sarai is still living in doubt of the promise made to Abram- and she gives her servant to him as a wife to have children with so he might have an heir. When Hagar becomes pregnant she begins to treat Sarah in such a way that causes Sarah to drive her away. At the time that Hagar and Abram’s child was born Abram was 86 years old.
It is in chapter 17 that we see Abram’s name changed to Abraham and he is again promised countless decendants by God. We also see Sarai named Sarah and she is promised to give birth to a son, a heir for Abraham. But even Abraham questions God in doubt- how is she to have a child, she is too old, he says. But God is patiently stubborn and declares that Sarah will give birth to a son by the same time next year.
In chapter 18 Abraham is visited by the Lord again and he has a meal prepared for his guests. One of the men proclaimed again that Sarah would become pregnant and have a child at that time the following year- and Sarah overhearing the conversation from the tent laughed to herself. But God- the same God Hagar named as ‘the God who sees me’- asked why did she laugh? does she believe there is something too hard for the Lord? Sarah caught and afraid denied that she laughed, but God knew her and said, “No, you did laugh.”
A year after this visit and 14 years after Abraham and Hagar’s son was born Sarah gave birth to a son- Abram was 100 years old. It took 14 years of faith to receive have the tangible portion of the blessing given by God.
So I wonder, has the drive for instant gratification ruined humanity’s chances of receiving God’s blessings? Has our lack of patience somehow infiltrated our faith- making it useless? Afterall, if we do not receive what we have been promised on our time line- we assume its never going to happen. In fact we laugh at God’s promises, and then find ourselves suprised, and maybe even afraid when God asks, “why did you laugh?” Will we, like Sarah, deny the fact we laughed only to be told by God, “No, you did laugh.”? Can we really haave faith in God- that his word is true- can we really trust him for his blessings? Do we have the ability to be patient enough to recieve the blessing or do we unashamedly laugh at God?
Even the Blind 02.28.08
Eyes illuminated through blindness
Even the deaf man hears the sadness
A cripple cries out for pieces of change
The addict looking for her next dime
Each of them asking begging for the time
And time passes by as I
Choose to ignore the broken Saviour
He is the harlot lost between the sheets
A criminal chained in shackles
Will I serve on bent knees
To wash the feet of the least of these
Will I run with empty hands
To hold the wounds of that man
Will I turn the other cheek
When I’m found beaten on the street
Will I go to darkened roads
To a place where the city lights
Cannot illuminate the darkness
To You. (But Only In Half) 2.16.08
You’re a marvelous being a creature even to science unknown
Sure you have a DNA code and fingerprints your own
Yet your faith is not complete
You fear defeat
Unspoken fears of definite failure
Though you won’t there
Don’t forget that your life is not you’re own
Called to let your light be shown
Cities of darkness churches gone down
Yet there are people in one certain town
With every breath you feel your heartbeat
Intensifies with every person you meet
The desire to go, to tackle the unknown
Fear, Anxiety, the soul’s unheard moan
You want to dance with gladness
But you’ve been handed days of sadness
Into your relationships it all permeates
Constantly reminding you of feelings you hate
It has to be painful watching from the outside
With unexplainable feelings on the inside
Seeing your dreams in the distance
Being on the other side of the fence
When will you let it go
Yahweh has so much more to show
Be insecure, doubt, and even fear
Allow Yahweh to draw near
You’ll do just fine
You’ll see this in time
Walk on the waters of the sea named doubt
Don’t take your eyes off of the one who casts it out
This you already know
You’ve told me so
Just trust and believe
Spend some time on your knees
Be patient and daring
Never give up on caring
One day you’ll look back and laugh
The times you believed- but only in half.
