color.

silence leads my heart to places I have never been
my soul is tainted, and the windows in are dark and stormy
subconscious thoughts suppressed by my conscious mind
is this warfare and violence just an image of my mind?

the space between my knees and the floor
is a space i’ve never traveled before
yet i’ll take the time to walk the aisle
passing pews full of desolate smiles

i stare solemnly at the floor
watching where and what my feet have found
through eyes that only see black and grey
ahead i see glory won and victory lost
a color i have never seen before

all eyes before had seemed so empty
these eyes are different they are burning
with passion and love with flame and fire
the shackles that once had bound
my wrist together fall shamefully to the ground

with free hands i reach to the one
who turned those chains undone
touching his hand
and looking at mine

i try to step forward but find I cannot
simply instead i kneel to the floor
staring at the crimson on my hands
then i hear a whisper so clear

my child quit wandering for i am here
this color is gold this color is pure
this color means salvation is here

the crimson never leaves his outstretched arms
the tear of love never leaves his passionate eye
instead i leave different than when i came
a new direction without any pain

dirty.

my heart was broken when the man i fell in love with, didn’t fall in love with me. since that moment when i looked in his eyes and saw the emptiness ive felt destroyed and hurt and broken hearted. since then ive allowed myself to be used by men so badly. i allow myself to be put in situations where nothing but trouble and a broken and abused heart can result. now love is simply trying to win the approval of men who i dont know or truly love because the man i love… doesn’t love me.

i am dirty. i am disgusting. and i will never be the same.