identity.

I’m the geeky kid in the corner of Starbucks with an overpriced double latte stirred with whip and caramel sauce, the new edgy looking glasses, typing away on a macbook listening to U2 on my iPod touch. I like to watch what kind of people come in and out of the tall doors and see their expressions as the smell of steamed coffee overcomes them. Most people take a deep breath and proceed to order their drink and most people would stop observing at that point but I don’t.

I’ve been told never to judge a book by its cover but I think the way people look reflects the way they think and live. But that’s not always the case. For example, I look like a geeky kid. I have an expensive iPod and computer. I’m not a geek. I’m not rich. I work hard for everything I have and I really don’t fit into a social circle. I’m not new age, postmodern, emergent, or anything else cool. I’m simply me. A 19 year old kid who is struggling to figure out her life.

I go to Starbucks to relax. To observe lifeforms and styles. I go to look for ideas and inspiration. I struggle with choosing a career or even a college to attend. No, I don’t believe that I’m going to have an epiphany one day drinking my caramel macciato watching people at Starbucks I think it’s going to take more than a few shots of espresso to straighten my life out at this point. I need help, and I finally realize that.

Even though my actions don’t always reflect my heart I know deep down inside of me I want what Yahweh wants for me. I want to straighten out my life and find myself in Christ and claim my true identity. Even if that means I end up being a hippie, geeky, Starbucks junkie.

feel the word

I think so often about this word “Love”.

What exactly does it mean to be in love or to love something? How do feel the word love? Is it in the warm sunshine or the crisp breeze? Is it felt in the warm embrace of a hug? Do you feel the word love with a tantalizing kiss? Or is it in the innocence of a kiss on the cheek?

I wonder how Jesus felt the word love. Did he feel it when he was laughing with his disciples? Did he feel it when the prostitute cried on his feet? Did he feel loved when Judas kissed him on his cheek?

I wonder if the world can know what love is, in its truest form?. What is love’s truest form? I tend to think, that the closest I am ever going to get to knowing true love is knowing the Son of God. Therefore, I tend to believe that the world won’t know true love unless they know Christ as well.

And at the end of all of this thinking, I know my heart loves. My heart loves the world and people around me. And I want them to experience love’s purest form.